J, Bartender

Real Name:

[redacted]

Birthdate:

1968-09-29

Birthplace:

[redacted]

Education:

BA, Indiana University, 1991 (Highest Honors; Phi Beta Kappa; 3.955 cumulative GPA)

Distinguishing Marks:

large, hairy mole on left shoulder; tree-frog tattoo on right shoulder; appendectomy scar; extremely large head; innie; moles on back; moles on arms; moles on legs; moles on feet; moles on neck; moles on chest; mole on penis

Pre-Existing Conditions:

various drug addictions

Prior Convictions:

My official record is clean. Been arrested once; have also been cited for several traffic and one alcohol violation. Probably risked getting busted for getting in the face of some exceedingly prickish cops at a bike rally gone bad. Ironically, I once became a cop, kinda.

Current Job(s), Length Held:

Arts and Entertainment Reporter, Missoulian Daily Newspaper (since June 2004). President and majority shareholder (no shit; I'm a corporate kingpin), Kelly Tile By Design, Inc. (since 2001).

Previous Job(s), Length Held:

Contributing Writer, The Industry Standard; Contributing Writer, Business 2.0 Magazine; Co-Host, Fat Pipe talk show; Contributing Writer, StreetTech; Contributing Editor, RES Magazine; Contributing Writer, Wired News; Copy Editor, One World Enterprises (3 years); Waiter, Yogi's Grill & Bar (6 months); Bartender, Lennie's Brew Pub (3 months); Delivery Driver, Pizza Express (3 months); Editor, Bloomington Voice (4 months); Editorial Assistant, Indiana University Marketing Services (10 months); Coffee Slave, Daily Grind Coffeehouse (4 lousy years); Section Percussionist, Columbus IN Pro Musica Orchestra (5 years); Coffee Slave, The Java Bean, Lexington KY (3 months); Credit Dept. Keyboard Slave, First Security National Bank, Lexington KY (3 months); Olyntange Area Security (i.e. dorm security guard), Columbus OH (3 months); Janitor, Ohio State University Student Union (4 months); Delivery Driver, Little Caesar's Pizza (10 months); Fry Cook, Arby's (1 month); Dishwasher, Jerry's Restaurant (1 day); Fry Cook, GD Ritzy's (7 months); Delivery Boy, Louisville Courier Journal (3 years).

Last Book Read (and opinion in 4 words or less):

The Shipping News by Annie Proulx -- Life is tough sometimes

Last Video Rented (and opinion in 4 words or less):

The Triplets of Belleville -- I love that dog

Political Orientation:

green

Religious Affiliation:

agnostic

Musical Instrument(s):

drumset; classical percussion instruments; a bit of piano

Favorite Music/Band(s):

"Harmonielehre" by John Adams; "Symphony 8" by Dmitri Shostakovich; "Symphony 3" by Arvo Part; "The Mollusk" by Ween; "Court and Spark" by Joni Mitchell; "The Source" by Ali Farka Toure; "OK Computer" by Radiohead; "Irresistible Bliss" by Soul Coughing; "Everyone Down Here," by Earlimart; "These Are The Vistas," by the Bad Plus

Favorite Techno-Fetish-Object:

I *heart* my Minolta Dimage slide scanner -- goodbye darkroom chemicals.

Favorite Sport/Activity:

Ultimate frisbee; snowboarding; fly fishing for trout and northern pike; raucous sex

Favorite Drug(s):

good LSD; downers

Favorite Mixed Drink(s):

Mint Julep

Personal Motto/Excuse:

Do what you want, and the money will come. I hope.

B: I first met J back in college days. We lived in the same dorm, the wild and woolly Collins Living-Learning Center, which was kind of like a coed fraternity of hippies and punks, intellectuals and artists, gays and lesbians, and other types that the student body considered “freaky” for whatever reason.

We didn't call him “J” back then. He was still known as Joe Nickell. I didn't really know Joe too well in those days, but I did interview him for Indiana Urinalysis, a 40-minute documentary about the urinals of Indiana University. (Joe told a story about his brother, Alan, peeing on another... [More...]

Russ:

These two guys have a show on the public access cable TV channel here in town. They believe their program has deep merit and virtue and educates all who view it. Or they believe they uncover new and undisclosed injustices within society and expose them in an entertaining fashion. Or they believe they're fun and entertaining, smiting us with their sharp, sophisticated wit and sarcasm. Or they just want to jerk off as they watch themselves on the screen thinking, "I can't believe people go for this shit."

Whatever their desire, one thing is for certain: the fuel that drives... [More...]

B:

What do you say to an old friend who lives on the other side of the country when he reports some good news? In the old days I'd send him a bottle of J&B Scotch. But that doesn't seem like the most appropriate gift for such an event.

Yes, my partner in crime, J of J&B on the ROX, is now a... [More...]